I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
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