Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
