If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
