This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Shame is for Republicans.
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