all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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