I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
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The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
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Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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