how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
