just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
