Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
