i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
