she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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