don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
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my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
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just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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