I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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