the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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