I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
