you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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