I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
