i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
