Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
