tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
