I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
