sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
