He is an equal opportunity slut.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
