He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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