The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
