just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
