My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
