Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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