If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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