Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize