You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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