Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I need to align my fucking chakras
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
