Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
