He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
