I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
