Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
