is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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