we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
we're making bets on your personal life
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
