Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Randomize
