new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
