you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
