Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
