is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
