Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Is Oprah even human
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
