K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
