new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We left the knife in your bed.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
