Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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