So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
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