Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Come share oat with me in your robe
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
