I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
