Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
