i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
