batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
