just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
