ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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