Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
