You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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