I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i want to swaddle you in tequila
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
