Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
