I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
