i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
im having a threesome with these popsicles
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I intend to get homeless drunk
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
