So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You're a waste of cheezeits
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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