I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
whose ass print is on the piano?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
