You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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