I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
