3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My nipple is on Facebook.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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