Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I forget how to act sober
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