Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
