I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize