Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
