I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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